I hide in my armpits
at night
for so-and-so
are dead and remain ashes
sometimes I am noting more
than an heir
we used to play
together
once we let
pebbles sail
of course almost
onpersonal
so small
he was kicked to death
strangled perhaps
gassed
and I
live
with the occasional
brief realization
of him
I will cover this street
with nails
here they walked
with soft lungs
bullets spun
their necks, hunger
hollowed them out, at last
gas
effortlessly
the traffic hums
here they still walked
towering
their fears
and now I walk
a clear wittness
now that the void
of those who are dead
is repopulated
their clothes divided
since long worn out
their houses looted
demolished of lived in for years
by ignorant strangers
now that the photos are yellowed
or lost
I do not know
how they smiled at me
I almost forgot
how they once stroked my hair
I do talk and say
look the sun in the water
but do you hear
how I keep myself awake all the time
and painfully listen
to what they still
hastily tell me
between the sky and the stones
between the other people
and between us
I must listen
but still I talk
and say: look at
the sun the water
they wouldn’t believe it
if they looked inside us
invisibly
they would say:
do you see
they sit quietly together
quiet they talk no
they are not talking about
us they laugh
you see
they just act like
nothing happened
what can we do
they won’t come back
we just have to do
we should just pretend
nothing happened
they never talk
about it
again
laugh a lot
just buy
a lipstick
a red dress
but I hear
their shrill voices
guess their dreams
remember the survivors
the old survivors
speechless at every breath
they were carried back
the fragile witnesses
of the horror
they did everything expected
ate drunk
were grateful
looked around hidden
cautious
-the early life
hidden in their dreams-
they inhabit a new existence
they feed the birds
walking with stiff strides
in the cold and unwholesome sun
and now
I carelessly betray
the dead to the living
by day
and vice versa
and I say to myself:
life goes on
life with its gray efficiënt forgetting